2010年8月10日星期二

小小的遗憾 多多的珍惜

香港的何妈妈来马一游。为尽地主之谊,我们一行10人,兵分两车。胖老爷的civic hybrid在前领路,靓师奶的crv在后紧紧跟随,一前一后在路上奔驰。坐在靓师奶车里的是何爸爸何妈妈何妹妹和洋女婿。雪隆一带的交通,车多阻塞,见怪不怪。加上他们住的酒店和我们要去的餐馆有一段距离,所以大家在车里高谈阔论,除了不谙粤语的洋女婿。他坐在前座,有些无聊地追踪GPS继而打起瞌睡来了。其余四人则天南地北的口水多过茶。很自然的,何妈妈问起靓师奶承懿已经9岁了,为何不为他增添一两个弟弟或妹妹。靓师奶说年事已高咯。她笑骂靓师奶无言乱语还劝勉说有心不怕迟。靓师奶很正经地告诉他们说师奶不是不想生育而是真的有心无力。故事很长很长。。。

靓师奶还是靓女的时候,从来没有固定的标准的生理周期,到现在依然如是。当时的靓女也有自知之明,和胖老爷拍拖感情稳定时已经和他说过,日后很可能会是不孕或难孕的。胖老爷一说不用怕,因为家里是开中药店的,大把药可以吃可以补;二说他是喜欢靓女的为人,不是要一架生育机器 (那时候靓女对老爷的一番话是抱着半信半疑的态度)。结果婚后一年,决定要小孩的时候,很幸运的在半年内成功怀了少爷。那时靓师奶以为自己之前是太杞人忧天了。

承懿快两岁时,爸爸妈咪希望给他一个玩伴,就开始了第二轮的造人计划。顺其自然了六个月还是没有动静,决定寻医,希望可以圆梦。一查之下,原来师奶是多囊卵巢综合症 (PCOS)的患者。妇科张医生说师奶可以在自然的情况下怀上第一胎(承懿),那是十分幸运的事,是天赐的恩典。后来的几个月里,师奶尝试服用医生开的“多仔丸”希望可以借此刺激多排出几颗卵,很可惜都不能如愿。医生还说靓师奶的卵不止没有一般的多产,那唯一的一颗也是发育不全营养不良的‘残缺卵’,绝对不可能受孕。在医生的建议下,师奶停职,以调养身体,但情况不见好转。(事隔多年的今天,靓师奶可以很坦然的分享心情故事,想当年那种悲痛心酸只有自己知啊!)

张医生以他专家的意见,叫靓师奶无需尝试第二种疗法(定期注射胰岛素),直接进入第三种。那就是以镭射击破师奶子宫里先天形成的气囊,好让排卵工作恢复正常。在两年里必须努力造人,因为气囊会‘春风吹又生’。第三种镭射疗法不是打保单一定会怀孕,只提高33%受孕率。当时靓师奶愿意‘以身试法’,但我家老爷大大反对。他的理由是一不准师奶冒险,二怕日后会有现在还看不到的后遗症,三是33%的成功率太低了。而且他说以前曾经有人给他算过命,说他没舍“子孙缘”,所以老爷对此并不强求。况且我们已经有了承懿,比起一些不育的夫妇已经是很好了;比上不足,比下有余啊!(对于老爷的深明大义,师奶除了心存感激,还可以说什么呢?)顺便一提,若第三种疗法仍不见效,最后的撒手锏就会是‘试管’了。这种疗法,师奶和老爷有共识,不会尝试。老爷怕师奶会有意想不到的后遗症,师奶则怕自己受不了那种期望越高失望越大的失落与挫折,所需费用倒是不在我们的考虑范围之内。

既然西医帮不到我们,靓师奶就往中医那一边靠拢。承懿四、五岁的时候,靓师奶已经是个全职的煮妇了,时间比较flexible。每两个星期会去看一次女医师,看了将近两年(佩服师奶的耐心毅力吧?)。问诊把脉拿药喝药水煎草药炖补品,戒冰冻戒酸辣戒生冷的食物,应该做的都做了,依旧音讯全无。女医师最后不看了,转看男医师,还是针灸的专家。在师奶的肚皮上小腿上施针,还有charge battery电力那一种,每隔一天一次,去得很勤。师奶和胖老爷一起看了好几个月,日子是复诊针灸吃药复诊针灸吃药中度过,很辛苦很够力荷包也很伤一下。后来因为适逢老爷炒了他以前老板的鱿鱼,自己出来创业,万事起头难,时间不够用,很难每隔一天抽出时间和师奶一块复诊,所以中医疗法也就告一段落了。

从宝贝两岁开始一直到他六岁左右,这四年的时间里,靓师奶的心愿就只有一个,帮承懿生个弟弟或妹妹 (呵呵!连名字都想好了,叫赖弘懿,记得吗?哈!),但希望落空。每每遇到一些朋友的好心询问,靓师奶还可以应付得来,比较亲近的就直言相告一二,不是很要好那种,也可以嘻嘻哈哈开开玩笑就此憋开话题。倒是期间家婆试过几次的过度‘关心慰问’,令靓师奶无所适从(可能是说者无心、听者有意吧),在被窝里偷偷哭了无数次(哑子吃黄连,有苦自己知)。老实说,胖老爷和靓师奶求医无数的经历,当时就只有我们两夫妻(和医生)知道,就连靓师奶最亲的姐姐弟弟也只是略知一二而已 (习惯性报喜不报忧)。后来胖老爷就和他老妈来了次掏心掏肺一席话,不要再给我们这种无法消受的关心,我们俩有承懿已经很足够了。幸亏那一次之后,一切恢复正常。再一次谢谢我的胖老爷。

呵呵!还有后话。就是有人曾经热心地(未询问胖老爷靓师奶的同意之前)要为我们领养一位刚出世的女婴,让我们有一个“好”字。这一番好意,当然然我家老爷拱手摇头,就此谢过。因为老爷知道自己以后一定会厚此薄彼,师奶就怕日后会因打骂小女孩而被人控告虐童。承蒙关心,领养孩子一事就此罢休(phew。。。好彩!)。

我们的宝贝一天一天的大了,他曾经不止一次问过妈咪,为什么我没有弟弟妹妹?妈咪每一次都会很抱歉地对他说:这是妈咪唯一做不到的事情,妈咪也不想的;但是妈咪确实已经尽了力,希望他可以明白。所以靓师说这一件事是师奶人生中的一个遗憾。真的是遗憾。有点无助,有更多的无奈。

但是再想深一层,就因为这一个小小的遗憾,靓师奶学会感恩啊、珍惜啊!要感恩上天赐给我一个宝贝儿子、要感恩我胖老爷对我的爱护支持体谅。没有第二个孩子其实就是要我全心全意地照顾承懿啊,应该是冥冥之中一切都有主宰吧!

谢谢我的宝贝让我有机会一尝做母亲的苦与乐。

谢谢胖老爷让我知道在为承懿父母的这一条路上我不是孤单的。

没有遗憾哪里会有珍惜?

小小的遗憾,多多的珍惜。

5 条评论:

  1. 1。寫得很好哦。。。應該會幫到妳解掉多年的心結吧!
    2。要記得’重質不重量‘的道理嘛! :P
    3。一個承懿已經’舞到妳粒粒亂’。。。兩個的話,你還有時間寫Blog嗎?
    4。謝謝賴生這麼深明大義而且懂得疼惜我的二姐:)
    在我心目中,你是全世界最棒的丈夫哩!
    5。嘻嘻。。。 這個是有點開玩笑的。。。有沒有想過‘借腹生子’?Jo應該有得商量的! :P

    回复删除
  2. bro。。。
    1. 的确是心结,也是你二姐我这一生的遗憾。那是事实。现在看开很多了啦。可以拿出来讲就是最好的‘证明’嘛 :P
    2. 我是时常这样‘自我安慰’的。呵呵!
    3. 肯定不会这样有空来‘无病呻吟’。
    4. ahem。。。这个不可以帮令姐夫回答。。。
    5. 哈哈哈!讲是ok啦。。。。:P

    回复删除
  3. Who has no 遺憾 in one's life? Just dont let it haunt you will do lar.
    Regarding the no. 5, have you considered it? I remember i made this promise to you many many years ago, and i still mean it.

    回复删除
  4. jo...u please la....the no 5 is just talk + joke only la...will not consider lah....another thing yr nephew is already 9 years old, now have another 1 sibling, alamak...一定有代沟了!

    回复删除
  5. 面子书留言:

    Aw Sin Lay
    CW, i sort of know u hv some 'restriction', but only know exactly what it is afer reading your article. i really think it is our fate. i hv my health problems and sometimes i do think that i am asking for troubles by having 3 kids!! but ...then i know i am lucky as most plp having similar problem would probably only hv 1 chid. another 'problem' i face is that i feel that i can't give each of them enough attention. CY being the eldest one always complaint that i give him the least attention, and there are many times i really told him off that i don't hv time for him as i need to look after the 2 younger one. Samson may feel sad not having any siblings, but he will always got your full attention, and i really think that he is a lucky child having a good mum like u :)
    11 August at 12:59

    Sabrina Woong CW
    ‎@SL...the article is a simplified version :) anyway that's history. I cant change it, so i have to face it. I have improved. I can face it "openly" now :P... I am still learning, mother-hood is a big challenge. It's not for me to say that ...I am a good mom or what...the best/correct person to 'judge' is my son. at this moment, I don't expect him to understand what i have been doing, but i do hope that he will understand one day....perhaps when i am sleeping under the ground, he will appreciate his "late mother' by then . haha :) Continue to learn + continue to be better....:)一起加油!
    11 August at 15:57

    Tricia Yong Pui Yan
    a hug for you! a brave step for you to 解掉多年的心結. I like this the most: 没有遗憾哪里会有珍惜?i'm very happy that you have such a loving and supportive husband. and Samson will definitely understands it one day. That's what I leanred from my eldest son: things happen for a reason (fate) and takes nothing for granted. Samson is born to have your full attention. lucky him, lucky you!
    12 August at 17:14

    Sabrina Woong CW
    THANK YOU Tricia :) I understand + i know that i am blessed to have fatty + samson. i also know that i am given a tough task. i am trying my best to do it. It's challenging + tiring, still i believe that it's rewarding...:)
    13 August at 00:26

    Aw Sin Lay
    Hi CW/ Tricia, we all hv our obstacles/ challlenges, but we are all also very blessed :) 一起加油!!

    Hi Tricia, wondering if u hv any tips to share in terms of bringing up the kids overseas, e.g. do u insists that the kids shld learn chinese? d...o u find the kids rude, self-centred etc (as compared to the kids brought up in the Asian countries)? I am happy that my kids here are happy, sociable and confident, but I also found that they are getting harder to 'control' :(
    13 August at 08:03

    回复删除